This just in:
A man was holed up in his New Jersey home wielding what police officials referred to as “one of those giant knife thingy’s from Star Trek,” after police responded to a noise complaint. All non-lethal attempts to subdue the man with tear gas, rubber bullets, tasers, fire hoses, nets, a giant roll of fly paper, and sustained blasting of Celine Dion music failed.
“That knife thing is truly a formidable weapon,” one officer was quoted as saying. “Not at all unwieldy and impractical. Not at all.” The weapon was later identified as a Klingon “bat’leth.”
As the suspect appeared to have brown skin and a beard, the
Military negotiators were unable to communicate with the man as he was speaking some guttural language, presumed to be “one of them Arab languages” the negotiators claimed.
Unfortunately, due to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy of the
Luckily, Chuck Davis, a local comic store owner, happened to see footage of the event on the news and rushed to the scene armed with a fluent knowledge of the language (which was apparently Klingon), and a deluxe replica lightsaber.
When asked about the cut on his arm,