(From the head of the Q.U. Crypto-Multimedia Department)
Twilight comes out on DVD tomorrow, March 21st, which prompts me to post here my collected thoughts on Twilight.
How could Twilight – a zero calorie plot that pushes the idea that a girl’s ultimate goal in life is to marry the right boy, have his child, and have him give her life meaning — be so popular?
I mean, it’s like those melodramatic episodes of Buffy and Angel angst, which were the hardest episodes of those seasons to watch, except add on top of that the fact that Bella Swan doesn’t even have Buffy’s power or purpose in life.
I attributeit to the Beetle Love Factor. The Beetle Love Factor is something that afflicts many people.
And what is the Beetle Love Factor, you ask?
You are watching a nature documentary about insects on PBS or Nature or some other similarly NON-Lifetime channel. About as unromantic as you can get.
Yet, if they edit in a narrative of one lone underdog beetle doing a beetle dance or flashing its beetle colors or whatever, trying oh so hard to get a little beetle mate, I find myself rooting for it. When the beetle gets rejected, I feel bad for it. If it gets its mate, I go all "Dude, I’ve got something in my eye making it all watery and shite."
A frickin’ BEETLE!
It doesn’t take much to connect with our universal feelings of wanting to love and be loved, or to be part of something larger than ourselves. Any story can do that, even one about beetles. But does that make it a GOOD story? One that redeems the time you spent watching it — time you will never, ever get refunded to spend on something else?
That’s why I’ll skip the Twilight movie. I highly recommend "Let the Right One In" instead, washed down with shots of Vampire Hunter D and The Hunger.
And then maybe throw in the Planet Earth series again. Dance, little bird of paradise, dance!
P.S. — ON FANTASY MAKING THE CREEPY ACCEPTABLE (ICK CREEPY, NOT YIKES CREEPY)
I have an idea for a YA book. Tell me what you think:
80 year old man poses as teen on Myspace to hit on high school girls. He finds one he likes, sneaks into her house, and watches her sleep.
But he’s a vampire. So, you know, it’s sexy and romantic, not creepy.
No? Okay, okay, how about this — he looks about 22.
Not enough? Okay, well, how about if he actually goes to the high school, instead of using Myspace?
Okay, cool. I’ll call it … Dusk.