As noted in the Fantasy Magazine "Fantasy Friday Blog for a Beer," Obama has been named President of the Marvel Universe.
As the (unofficial) self-appointed Spec-Fic Community Outreach Representatives for Obama, I would like to release the following (completely unauthorized) victory speech on behalf of President-elect Barack Obama:
My fellow Universians,
We stand at a historic moment in our collective Universes.
It was long believed that this day would never come. This is a defining moment in history, and a testament to all those who stood in line, who walked or flew or swung or teleported to the polling places, who cast aside cynicism and doubt to vote for hope, for change, for a better Universe – to all those who said "yes we can".
I would like to thank my father’s cousin T’Challa, the Black Panther, for his inspirational words a few minutes ago. He told me backstage how disappointing it was to see so few black heroes today, 42 years after his first appearance.
And so many of those heroes who have appeared reflect the racial stereotypes of their time. Ghetto Man, for example.
But this election shows how far we have come since
But while this day proves for some that the American dream is still alive, that an African Universian raised by a single working mother can rise to the highest office in the Universe, it has also shown how far we have yet to go.
For this same day that saw me elected President of the Universes also saw mutants denied the right to marry, and mutant registration acts passed in several States and lower planes, in direct contrast to the spirit of equality and freedom embodied in the Universal Constitution.
So I will form a mutant advisory council to educate and work with communities on mutant issues. Education and understanding are critical to reducing fear and prejudice. And I will work to elect judges to the Supreme Court who understand the ideals reflected in the Constitution and will continue to uphold and protect them.
For as President, I do not just represent mundane humans, or those who voted for me, or those who hold a particular religious view be it Christian or Asgardian, but I represent all sentient beings of the Universes. And it is my sacred duty to protect the rights and freedoms of the minority from the shifting wishes or will of the majority.
We are not mutants and non-mutants, superpowered and mundane, red states and blue states, DC and Marvel, we are united in a common cause of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We share one timeline. We are one Universe.
But make no mistake. Even while I speak here to you, superheroes are waking in the towers of Metropolis, and the dorms of Xavier’s school for the gifted, preparing to fight the enemies of freedom, democracy, and Hostess food products.
For there are supervillains out there who would undo all we have built, and undermine all we hope to achieve. But we can defeat them. Yes we can.
That is why I am wasting no time in forming my national security council, and have begun my daily security briefings with Nick Fury.
And I am unveiling today my four point plan to address the problem of supervillains.
First, we must close down
That’s point one.
Point two, we must implement the recommendations of the Galactus Commission to make our Universe more safe. Currently, for example, we check barely 1 percent of all interplanetary transports for supervillain threats.
And as part of the Commission’s recommendations on interagency cooperation, we must improve the records and communications systems of superheroes. In visiting heroes like the Fantastic Four, and the Justice League of
And every team and hero seems to have their own method for communication, from team communicators, to red phones – even some as archaic as spotlights. That is why I will initiate the most revolutionary communications infrastructure project since ARPAnet, to create a single, Universe-wide quantum encrypted HEROnet that can be used by all heroes and law enforcement agencies for research and communication.
Point three, we must fight the spread of radioactive waste and gamma ray devices, to reduce the risk of creating new supervillains. My bipartisan efforts with Senators Dick Lugar and Chuck Hagel regarding nuclear proliferation and terrorism were just a start. But we must work harder to prevent men and women, particularly ones who already have a perceived reason to hate a specific superhero, from being doused, bombarded, injected, or otherwise exposed to such power-inducing radioactive materials.
Perhaps just as important as my specific supervillain reduction plan, we must also improve early childhood education and superpower detection, not to indoctrinate or stigmatize those with powers, but to ensure that every child has the same chance to succeed that I and my wife and our children have enjoyed. For crime is so often the result of anger and despair, brought on by a lack of legitimate opportunities, a sense of disenfranchisement, perceived slights by society, and other problems that education and a working economy can address.
That’s why I will offer tuition aid programs for those willing to perform two years of service teaching in needy communities, and call upon all superheroes to volunteer.
Finally, let me add that I stand by my campaign promises regarding the steps I will take to address property damage resulting from superhero battles.
None of this will be easy. It will require a new spirit of service and sacrifice. But I believe we can do it. Yes we can.
And now, I will turn the podium over to my new press secretary, Stephen Colbert of the Power Pundit Pack, to answer your questions.
